Destructive Patterns In Relationships: Tips For Healthy Dating, Marriage, And Intimacy

Dec 28, 2022 | 3 mins read

Hypnosis is typically used to quit smoking, lose weight or overcome a specific phobia or fear, manage pain, etc. However, there is one area of people’s lives where hypnosis may be extremely effective. This is the domain of relationships. Family relationships or romantic relationships can benefit greatly from taking some time to identify our own personal patterns that have us repeating the same mistakes over and over again.


Patterns run relationships and there are countless patterns that humans develop from a very young age. As children we develop patterns as a means of survival or to get what we want. These patterns become deeply ingrained into our psyche and can run — and ruin — the rest of our life. In a personal relationship our pattern often conflicts with the other person’s pattern and sparks can really fly!

A pattern is a way of being driven by powerful forces in our subconscious. For example, if as a young child you were caught doing something you were not supposed to be doing and you knew you would get hit or severely beaten (which was common in my day) then you may lie to avoid the punishment. If this happens repeatedly, a pattern is born. As an adult you may find yourself in a relationship where you are lying about small things to avoid your partner complaining. This pattern continues until either your partner calls you out or just accepts you as you are.

When it comes to your own patterns it becomes crucial to work with a trained professional to identify your “pattern blind spots.” Your patterns will explain why you can’t sustain a happy relationship, why you can’t keep a job, or even why you are always late to things! You may be totally unaware of your pattern even when it is crystal clear to other people. You also may be totally unaware of your pattern as it destroys your life, your marriage or even your health.

When you work with a hypnosis professional you gain the ability first to identify your patterns. Through further work you are then able to see how deeply they affect your life and personal relationships. As you continue to peel the onion you develop the ability to see your pattern emerge in certain situations. If your pattern is to talk your way into getting what you want (or talk your way out of a problem) you will develop the ability to see it emerge and then be able to make a conscious choice to use another approach if it is more appropriate. Whereas previously you had no choice, by identifying your pattern and seeing it emerge, you can “detach” from the pattern and make a clearer, more objective choice.

As you work more and more on your own patterns you develop an extraordinary insight into what is running other people’s lives. It becomes easier to develop compassion and understanding for them. You can then make a choice in your relationships to work around another person’s patterns or not. Instead of fighting and arguing with somebody when they run their pattern you can choose to patently accept their way of being or discontinue the relationship. This gives you real freedom in the relationships you want to keep and also the freedom to walk away from ones that will never work.

Like weight loss, smoking tobacco or vapes, pain management and stress, relationships are not diseases. They are lifestyle patterns, habits and beliefs.